Letter to Hagar (Gen 21)

Dear Hagar

When people ask me who is my favourite biblical character or who I find most inspiring I give your name. Your story is not an easy or happy one but for me it has been one which has given me hope in times of darkness. It has been a story which has shown that God about single parents and that whilst the sermons and stories which dominate our services are tend to be about nuclear families people in different shapes of family matter too. I have written about you before and this blog is even named after you so this letter is partly to say thank you.

I don’t know when I first came across your story, but I know that I would have come across it earlier had I gone to a black majority church because in those churches you are valued. In the mainstream white majority churches the problem is that those with a lectionary omit your story in Gen 21 from their 3 year programme and those without tend to focus on new testament readings or looking at the great patriarchs.

And this gives the first issue. Your story shows that great people are just like the rest of us. They make mistakes and have to live by the consequences.

In this case Abraham didn’t believe God and so he and his wife decided to use you, their slave, to give them a child. I have given a letter to Sarai (Sarah) which examined what happened when you became pregnant and my feelings about it. So I am not going back over that now. I want to concentrate on what happened once Abraham was born.

What was your relationship with Abraham and Sarah. I find it interesting that as far as Sarah is concerned you are “this slave woman”, it appears she refuses to use your name and so denies your humanity.

On one level I can understand her reaction in a society where women were without legal protection she needed her son to inherit. Yet, you were treated with undue distain by her. She obviously didn’t recognise the image of God in you, rather viewing you as something less because you were a slave.

When you got sent away it must have felt awful. Suddenly you were sent out, from a place of relative comfort and security into the wilderness.

You had your initial provisions which Abraham had given you, like a one off settlement today I guess. Yet, it wasn’t enough you struggled as you found yourself to be a single parent through no fault of yourself. Indeed, you had endured abuse and pain at the hands of this couple and were then just discarded when Sarah saw green.

It seems from verse 11 that Abraham loved Ishmael though and was truly distressed at what was going on. He sought direction from God. It was God who in this situation seems to be saying to Abraham that the best thing is for him to let you go and for you to become a single parent, but that he will protect you and make a nation through Ishmael.

Verses 15 – 19 of this chapter are the amongst the most moving in the bible for me. They show a single mother who has struggled and sought to do the best for her son, yet isolated and alone has found herself unable to provide. You seem to have reactive depression and have come to the end. You think your son is going to die and you don’t want to see that. I can’t imagine what that must have been like.

God hears Ishmael though and speaks to you. It seems that whilst in much of the bible when angels appear and say do not be afraid it is saying don’t be afraid of them but in this case the don’t be afraid seems to relate to the absolute fear about what is going to happen to you and your son.

God appears to be telling you to have courage. Your son must have felt traumatised when you left him. I can imagine him clinging to you as you return to him to lift him up.

The well was already there, it was just amid your confusion and terror you hadn’t noticed it. God had to show it to you. How did you feel when you saw it? Were you simply relieved or were you kicking yourself you had not seen it sooner?

The thing this illustrates to me is that we need people to come along and signpost resources for us. It is significant I think that nobody came and showed you pity rather you were given respect by being able to be the person to provide water and life for you and your son once this had been signposted.

These days there are a lot of things said about children from single parent homes which don’t recognise the complexity of many situations and the way in which these children can thrive and achieve. Your story counters that narrative by showing it was complex how you became a single parent and it was not a choice. Yet, God was with your son and by extension you.

I get the feeling that you thrived after that turning point. I don’t know how gradual it was from that point of absolute hopelessness that you were able to start really taking things forward but it happened.

I find it significant that you were able to get a wife from your own land of Egypt for him. That shows that you gained wealth and had the resources to do so.

We don’t know if this was via remarriage, but I suspect we would have been told if had been. Rather the verses say you got a wife for him, which suggests you became successful in your own right.

As I say your story became an inspiration for me when I was a single parent. I’d hit rock bottom and as I started to work back from that I saw your story as one of hope.

So today I say thank you Hagar and I raise you up as a figure we need to celebrate more. Yes, you do make us face the fact Abraham and Sarah were very human but I think that is useful too. If we unpick this narrative we can look at the issues around second families, inheritance, provision for children and the feelings of absence fathers as well as your story of single parenthood.

On my old blog I wrote quite a lot about why I think it is important to engage with Hagar this is one post explaining why. I also shared a sermon I gave on these passages and some additional thoughts I would have included if I had had time. For those who are interested in this topic I also include a link to my thesis, done a couple of years ago now on single parents in evangelical churches which may be of interest.

I am excited to see that real movement to taking on board the different shapes of family is happening in the church and next month the We Are Family Conference which is a joint initiative between CGMC (Consultative Group for Ministry amongst Children) and the Methodist Church is happening. This sold out conference is going to reveal the results of some ground breaking research by the groups and launch their core skills material. I have not been involved at all but I really am interested in finding out what has been said and how this can impact the work of all the church, not just those pigeon holed to work specifically with children and families.