The Partners Story...A Narrative of Loss? 1.

Today sees the beginning of a short series I am going to be writing about “the experience of the trans partner”. It will include reference to my own experience but I want it to be more than that. A specific area I want to focus upon within the series is the narrative of loss within the partner’s story. I want to look at this in terms of thinking about what the pastoral care for couples should be where one is trans and the other is not and how to do we acknowledge their, at times, conflicting feelings.

 

One particular focus I will think about within this is going to be around naming ceremonies and how do those leading them navigate and provide pastoral care when for one person they are a time of celebration and for another they may be like a funeral service.

The thoughts that I’m going to express here are helping me think around some of the issues I’m going to be exploring in a forthcoming paper at a symposium.

As I approach this series I would be interested in exploring too what you the reader may want to know about or find useful. I’d also be interested in knowing about specific resources you’ve found useful if you are the partner of a trans person.

You might wonder why looking at the grief cycle and the issue of loss is going to be such a big part of this series. Well there are a couple of answers to this.

The first comes from a search around the websites of groups such as TG Pals and blogs such as Translucidity which show these are common feelings. This is something echoed in my own experience and something I have heard in many conversations with other partners of trans people.

The second comes from a feeling I have that if we can learn how to think about at this in the trans context it may help us in other areas too. One parallel I find myself thinking about increasingly is how there are similar feelings of loss through transition felt within church contexts as people either lose their buildings or forms of worship that they have felt familiar and comfortable with and which have helped them understand and describe their own identity.

The exploration of this latter wider use of the ideas may well turn into a second series of posts after the initial ones focusing on being a trans partner have been written.

The Rise of the Laity???

The role of the laity seems to be coming, finally, into sharper focus. One example which exemplifies this is WATCH who are advertising several events aimed at exploring this theme including one which is only for lay women. These invents include a free one entitled Rediscovering the Laity - a day with Prof Elaine Graham in Birmingham on 3rd May. This is something I applaud and welcome.

For too long the discussions and arguments have focused on the hierarchy and women gaining access to that. Now, I don’t want to lessen the importance of that fight but I do want to highlight some of the things which that has allowed to go unchallenged.

The increasing growth of women in the church working a quadruple shift where they have been seeking to balance not only work, caring responsibilities and housework but also church responsibilities too. The growth of this quadruple shift has not been noticed, I would argue, because the institution to some extent has held onto the model and ideal of nuclear family where the husband took the instrumental role of breadwinner and the wife the expressive role of caregiver.

There is one area where I think the impact and contribution of this quadruple shift needs to be particularly noted and that is with the growth and leadership of Messy Church. The 2013 Church Growth Study data (strand 3b) showed that 75% of Messy Church initiatives were led by women. At the same time the study showed that 67.7% of women who were involved in leading Fresh Expressions (including Messy Church) did so in their “spare time” compared to 32.3% of men.

Whilst this is great I do wonder, in an age when we are becoming increasingly aware of the need for clergy to take regular time off to avoid burn out, whether we are ignoring the wellbeing of many women (and lay men) in our congregations. The reason I focus on women is because disproportionately they are likely to be women because they are more likely to be within our churches (as this recent PEW research on The Gender Gap in Religion Around the World yet again highlights).

My own research, a few years ago now, was into single parents in evangelical churches. This noted how as most single parents with caring responsibilities are women for their situation to be noted and the issues of invisibility around them to be met there needs to be a focus more upon the laity. In addition to single parents I believe this kind of focus may also help carers, who are also more likely to be women.

For this to happen though there needs to be both a focus on the contribution of the laity but also the demands and issues outside church which the laity, particularly, face and which often have an invisibility within church. I am not so certain the latter will happen.

The reason for my concern that this new focus on the laity will not be as positive as it might be is twofold. The first reason is that I am not sure what the agenda behind this focus is. Is it a real concern for the laity or is looking in an age of increased cost-cutting in churches at how the resource of the laity are being and may be better harnessed and used?

The second reason for my concern is that I worry this push for the recognition of lay women may be coming for an academic or professional elite whose privilege means they are seeking for their “professional” contribution to be recognised.

Now I hope I am wrong, but perhaps I have been around the church too long and so am naturally cynical when I should be hopeful. I understand the system of gatekeeping which exists and who has the entry in the first place to get these types of discussions on the table.

The other reason for my cynicism is the fact I know it is often voices, such as my own, who use their DM’s to kick at doors asking for the recognition of the contribution of the laity.

I have done it a lot over the last few months as a lay chaplain. I am a member of the laity who has entered the “professional” world. I am there asking for my place as a professional to be recognised when people are saying that through initiatives like Chaplaincy Everywhere the role of lay chaplains as “part-timers” or more often “volunteers” is being recognised and valued by the church. I am there saying, yes and so it should be BUT for some of us lay ministry is our vocation and professional career and we want to be recognised on an equal basis to ordained people doing similar roles. We are not the same in one sense because we have taken a different route into this work but we want parity of esteem to exist and our training, experience, calling and the actual work we do to be acknowledged appropriately.

However, as we live in resurrection hope I am going to try and be less cynical and end by celebrating the signs of new life and the new recognition of lay people which is taking place this spring. 

Holy Habits by Andrew Roberts Reviewed and Set in Context

There is a growing argument that there is an increasing need for people to develop good quality religious literacy in order to navigate the late modern world. This was one of the core themes of the four public lectures Grace Davie gave as part of the Birmingham University Cadbury series. For Christians that means not only understanding other religions and wider culture but also developed more nuanced literacy about their own faith and the different forms of language and communication that religious literacy should take within it. For those who missed the lectures the think tank Theos is going to reproduce the lecture content within a publication.

This increased religious literacy involves going back to basics and examining in an intelligent way the central concepts of discipleship. It also involves coming alongside people to help them learn how to reflect on their faith and actions arising from it in an intelligent way individually, corporately and globally. To do help people do this in a form which is easily accessible and can appeal both to the academic or “religious professional” and the average lay person is not an easy task. Yet, it is a task which Andrew Roberts (Methodist Learning and Development Officer for Bristol and the West Midland) succeeds in with his new book Holy Habits.

The book comes in two halves. The first talks about the “nature of discipleship” and puts aspects of charismatic and Pentecostal renewal as well as the Fresh Expressions movement into a wider context. The second half focuses upon the “nurture of discipleship”. It goes through a set of ten practices which are at the core of discipleship using Acts 2 as the passage to identify these practices.

It is a book which shows a real skill in bridging a series of complex fault lines within contemporary Christianity and I wonder if Roberts is one of the few who could write a book like this because of his unique set of experiences. He seems to some extent aware of this as he draws on these experiences to at times use autobiographical examples. These include his experiences of being a student at York and going to one of the churches which was recognised to be at the centre of the charismatic renewal of the period. They also include reference to his role within the Fresh Expressions movement and also his early life as a financial analyst within the motor industry.

In addition to these experiences this Methodist also brings in a narrative deeply rooted in the theology and thinkers of this denomination but not restricted by it. Anybody familiar with Methodist theologians will see what on one level amounts to a roll call within the book (Jane Leach and Francis Young seemed to be amongst the few obviously missing).

What shines through in this book is vulnerability and authenticity as well as intelligent thought.

It is a book that the individual should not rush, unless like me they read it to get the initial feel and then intend to go back to slowly work through the book. It is not a book which seeks to give the reader the right answer but rather to help them think, reflect and act both individually and corporately.

I read this book a few days after watching Robert Beckford’s excellent BBC documentary The Battle for Christianity. The programme which was an excellent production featuring a number of top theorists and churchmen (including Grace Davie, Linda Woodhead and the Archbishop of Canterbury) as well as  grass roots street pastors. As somebody interested in the local context of Birmingham I was interested to see Tim Hughes and the new Gas Street initiative featured as well as Birmingham Street Pastors. 

Both the programme and the Roberts book reflect that there is no longer one size fits when it comes to Christianity in the UK now and that we need to recognise this. In addition to the impact of immigrants there is also an increasing diversity in style of worship and theological outlook. There is also, as Woodhead explained in the programme, differences in the level of commitment that people want to give towards religion based upon whether they see it as a primary part of identity or not. One of the strengths of Roberts’s book is that whilst it puts an emphasis on community it also allows for individualism within that. That is to say we all have our own styles which help us develop personal discipleship whilst at the same time we will also have to at times move beyond our own preferences to benefit the whole community.

This way of looking at things which takes the important principles of faith and looks at how to apply them in the contemporary mix of contexts not just through Fresh Expression type is refreshing. It helps develop that good quality religious literacy but it also is contributing to some new and exciting discussions around church growth. This includes the work of David Goodhew and his team but also goes beyond it including the initiatives such as the forthcoming Rethink Church conference.  

Of course we cannot just look at these things in an ethnocentric bubble and part of our increased literacy has to be understanding how religion and faith are operating and changing globally. This is where the work of the International Panel on Social Progress which Davie highlighted during her Cadbury lecture series and of which she is a key part of the panel on religion is important. The work of the panel is due to be opened up for public consultation and discussion in July of this year and I believe that it will give us a clear picture of what some of the global aspects to be borne in mind are.

Holy Habit - Breaking Bread - Simply?

In Birmingham the Methodist Circuit is following a discipleship programme called Holy Habits. It has been developed by the circuit from a foundation put in place by Andrew Roberts which is now available in abook.

On Saturday there was a day exploring the latest Holy Habit which is breaking bread. After a session using Godly Play to explore this theme we were invited to respond in a creative form and I wrote this poem which I am posting here because at the end during our closing communion service there was a sharing session. After sharing a couple of people said they would like a copy. This seemed the easiest way to share.

 

People, animals, hopes, dreams, despair

mingling in the field.

They are together here and now.

Friends and strangers gathering

around simple bread and wine.

 

The bread might be white or brown,

Handmade or processed, gluten free or gluten full.

Some mutter it matters,

perhaps wafers would be better.

There is a sigh as people gather,

so much for simple bread and wine.

 

The wine sits in a simple beaker,

rich and red it flows.

Then the muttering begins again.

Chalice or small cup?

So much for simple bread and wine.

 

A book is opened, words recited,

passed down from age to age.

There is a profound silence for a moment

as their power is absorbed.

But then the muttering begins again

about how to interpret meaning.

So much for simple bread and wine.

 

Then it’s time to share this Godly supper.

Making sure all can share together

in this unifying experience.

But the muttering is growing louder

About who should serve and who should eat.

So much for simple bread and wine.

 

Then a shepherd enters the scene,

holding a small child by the hand.

They sit and smile at each other

as he sits and breaks a piece of bread.

Handing it over saying have eat,

Remember me next time you simply eat.

 

The wine sits in the beaker,

the child’s mother looks worried.

The shepherd smiles and picks up some cherryade.

He hands it to the child,

Saying something is going to happen to me

but through it you shall live.

Remember me next time you simply drink.

6 Months In

So it is now over 6 months that we have been in Birmingham and I have a few reflections and piece of advice based on the experience so far.

1)    Never make assumptions regarding church drama groups.

I thought these were all just a bit of a laugh. Something people did to have some fun and normally revolving around musicals or pantomimes.

Having appeared as Constable MacDonald in the Carrs Lane Players version of the Lady Killers I now know that is not the case.

Yes it was generally fun but it was something more serious than I imagined. It was part of a long tradition going back to just before I was born and this involved serious acting (ok comedy but proper acting not just having a laugh and hoping for the best).

 

2)    Getting involved in a production is a great way to get to know people in a new church

Ok so I got involved by not knowing how to say no when somebody got injured and they needed a replacement BUT it was a great way to get to know a number of people in church I am not sure I would have really spoken to. Now, this is not to underestimate the level of fear involved as I got a grasp on what was involved but it was a great experience overall. I discovered new depths in myself and was encouraged by a great group of people.

 

3)    Whilst you have to be careful of not committing to things more than will be possible it doesn’t mean you can’t get involved

When I arrived at my new church I was very aware that I am only probably there for 2 years and so involvement needs to be thought out. It was a bit of a surprise then when I found myself volunteering to facilitate a house group. The thing is that they needed somebody now and nobody was stepping forward. It is in my locality and meets once a month on one of my non-working days. I was clear throughout the discussions leading up to me taking on the role that it would be for one year and if I got paid work on a Tuesday that I would have to give up on it. They were fine with that and just glad that their immediate future was secure. So it is that I have found myself facilitating a house group where almost all of the pensioners are over the age of retirement – some being third agers and some being well into the forth age.

 

4)    Training is sometimes formal but can also be more informal

So Karl arrived to formally train for ministry. I have found myself going through my own formation process through an unexpected mixture of formal and informal training, although I don’t know what ministry it will lead to.

The house group facilitation I spoke of under point 3 is an example of informal training. I am learning on the job, so to speak, how to facilitate a small group of older people. The previous leader of the group is still there and in the handover stage has been very good at acting as a bit of a mentor. I have been encouraged to bring my own ideas whilst ensuring continuity with what went before. I am sure I will learn a lot through this group over the coming year or so.

However, as I say not all the training has been informal. I have found myself doing a vocational qualification. In the autumn I discovered that one of the smaller local universities did a one year part-time qualification in chaplaincy with young people. I was somewhat surprised when all the funding came together for this as easily as it did. Yet, I know this is an important course for me. It has come together in a way which indicates that it is the right thing for me to be doing. It is not research based but is rather focused on reflecting on my on the ground experience as a chaplain, what the theory and good practice around chaplaincy is and looking at the subject of spirituality particularly in relation to faith development and young people.

 The chaplaincy course is not just teaching me formally though. I am having my first experience of being the racial minority as the course has more Afro-Caribbean students than it does white. Through being in this class I am becoming more familiar with one of the black majority church traditions in particular and the cultural differences which sometimes exist. This is something I think is a really useful experience for me.

Reflecting on what is going on here I have to say it feels as though I am going through formation as much as my husband is just on a different, less recognised and in some ways far less secure route and to a different form of ministry.

 

5)    Being a Local Preacher Helps You Get to Know the Area and New Ways of Doing Things

I am learning all sorts of things about Birmingham and the people here, in part through being a local preacher and getting out and about in the circuit. Being “on plan” (which means on the rota to preach in various churches) you get to know the area in ways you perhaps wouldn’t otherwise.

You learn aspects of history as well as more about the cultural and socio-economic mix of the area. I think this is a privilege we don’t often recognise as local preachers but it’s there.

In terms of the new ways of doing things I’m learning I’m really privileged to have arrived in the Birmingham Methodist Circuit as they are working their way through a programme called Holy Habits. This is intended to develop and encourage deeper discipleship. It was developed by Andrew Roberts who is one of the Methodist Church Learning Network staff and his book on Holy Habits has just been released. I note that there is also a shiny new website which is under the process of development to accompany this too.

 

6)    If You Have A Theological Library Provided by your Landlord Use It….You Never Know What You Might Find

So Karl has come here to study but for me, as his wife, Queens is pretty much just the landlord. Living here does have benefits though (and not just it’s proximity to Waitrose, a wonderful gelateria and good transport links) and the main one for me is the access to the library.

It’s not just the easy access to the course materials for my chaplaincy course I love about it. What I enjoy far more is the ability to just mooch and discover things, particularly amongst the feminist and black theology sections which the Queens Foundation library prides itself upon.

To give one example today I was having a recovery day after a small medical procedure and so I didn’t want to go far. Thus I just wandered over to the library and as I was looking through the journals I found an article in the December 15 volume of the Journal of Asian Women’sResource Centre for Culture and Theology entitled ‘Joanne: God’s Grace! – A Sharing by a Transgender Christian Woman written by Joanne Leung with Pearl Wong. This article told the story of the Christian trans woman who has set up the only NGO for trans people in Hong Kong. It was a fascinating article which I just happened to stumble across. I didn’t know this NGO existed but I now do which helps me in a couple of ways. Firstly, I can now pray in an informed way for the trans community in Hong Kong and secondly I am aware of another trans person of faith whose work needs to be recognised and supported. (Please don’t read from this I don’t also think secular initiatives and activists need supporting – that is not what I am saying. Rather we are all aware of the conflict that sometime arises between gender identity and faith and so knowledge of those working in this area is important particularly when it may be a particularly useful resource if somebody in one of our Chinese speaking churches were to require support – their online resources are published in English and Chinese).

 

So there it is some reflection on what has happened and what I've been learning since I came to Birmingham. I haven't mentioned my chaplaincy job at the university. This continues to go well and I love it.

Bit of Mapping the Changing Ground

The terrain has been moving again with regard to LGBT and faith in the UK. There are also some exciting things are also happening as a result of the current LGBT History Month focus on Religion, Belief and Philosophy. It therefore seemed like time to map the movement again.

Firstly, we have seen the launch of LGBTI Mission recently. This is a group which has come together to explicitly fight for change in the Church of England over the next five years (the time that members of the General Synod have recently been elected for). It is made up of various people including a coalition of other groups including: LGCM, Inclusive Church, AcceptingEvangelicals, Changing Attitude, Evangelical Fellowship of Lesbian and GayChristians and Sybils.

They have published a nine point manifesto under three headings: “living, loving and serving” and it is really positive to see within this the T and I are being taken as seriously as the LGB.

The exclusively Anglican focus may seem jarring to some and to be honest I have gone through a change of mind on this one over the last few months. The key reasons I think this approach is right are here:

1)    In LEP’s whatever other churches decide the Anglican policy will influence what can be done on the ground.

2)    Many of the other churches are generally ahead of the Anglicans in terms of what has already been agreed (for example in Methodism it has been agreed that being in a same sex marriage will not be a bar to ministry of lay preachers or ministers).

3)    The CofE is larger than the other denominations and so what happens in that Church has an impact for better or worse on the situation many of the rest of us are in.

4)    The Methodists and Anglicans already have a covenant in place which commits them to seeking to move closer to each other. The Anglicans at the moment have policies in place which discriminate in a way in which Methodist ones don’t which would be a serious barrier against closer working together for some of us.

5)    Most of the main denominations have ongoing discussions going on around the whole area of marriage. In some ways it seems a bit like they are playing who’ll blink first and if the CofE positively moves then that will have an impact on our own discussions.

As I said this is a group which has involved a number of people coming together to work together including

These are the campaigning groups. However, we know others have less of an activist purpose to their work and it is good that they have been moving forward in their work too. The Two:23 Network has moved into a new venue and Diverse Church continues the excellent work they are doing with young people and their parents and continue to offer churches the chance to hear their stories, particularly through a new piece of art work they've commissioned. Email them via their website for details.

Following on from a similar event last year Oasis have an Open Church conference in June. The focus of this conference is positive because it seems more focused on mission than the activism.

The website for the event says,

“While the debate around the Bible, sexuality and inclusion is likely to continue across the Christian Church for a generation, those already convinced of the need to embrace LGBT people must act now.   

Through contributions from the world of public health, equalities specialists and representatives from different church communities, together we will explore how our churches can become safe havens of welcome and healing for LGBT people and how we can win back the trust of those who may feel they have much to fear.”

This to me points to the fact we are coming to accept that we need to live whilst the debates continue to rumble on in the background and people continue working to get to that point when we can have good disagreement.

As I’ve mentioned before the Methodist Church have produced some excellent resources to help people reach that point of good disagreement.

This is all positive to see in LGBT History month with its focus on religion, belief and philosophy. There are a range of exhibitions and events going on as part of this month including Christian Voices Coming Out, an exhibition at the LSE. Stonewall have also produced a range of stories from different people of faith together with some posters.

I have wondered whether to blog on this stuff because I have a couple of worries which I am sure other LGBT people must share:

1)    Am I going to be pigeon holed in the LGBT box? My interests, involvements and faith concerns go far beyond this area but I find myself talking about it far more than I would like should I shut up and leave it to others to raise their voices about it.

2)    I am bored by talking about this and so would rather we change the subject. By posts like this one am I contributing to the problem and the wider fatigue around the subject?

3)    I don’t want to be seen as a trouble maker. I am somebody who wants to positively work with others and I don’t want to be doing or saying things that can put that in jeopardy.

Yet at the same time I know I have friends who might read this stuff who only find out about it by occasionally reading the blog. It has been a quick glance about who has been coming to this blog whilst it's been less active which has alerted me to the fact people read these posts every so often. This means some might accidently find it and as a result be signposted to groups which might help them. Finally my husband has been involved in the Stonewall stuff and  talking with him has led me to ask myself again if I am to live with integrity and speak out against what I see as injustice which is harming mission do I have any right to shut up?

Lament for the Modern World?

We're a bit naff at lament in this country sometimes. Perhaps that's why when I first listened to Lucinda Williams The Ghosts of Highway I was a bit taken aback thinking how miserable is this.

We listened to disc two of this double CD first and to say it made the Smiths seem happy is a bit of an understatement. However whilst not a happy album it is a moving set of songs several of them including Louisiana Story, Death Cake and Factory could be regarded as genuine songs of lament. If you like we could describe them as modern day Psalms which speak the truth of pain.

My own favourites on the album were Factory which has a real intensity to it and Doors of Heaven where the gloom lifts in the music at least (although the words are still deep and Psalm like).

If you want to read more of a review of the album feel free to flip over to my other blog where I have reviewed it more fully than here. I just wanted to flag it up on this site though as the lyrics do speak of death and faith, including the misuse of faith in a way which I think is quite deep and as I say almost Psalm like. This could be useful listening to some who want something that reflects how they are feeling.